Who was Preparation
for the Toddler Years written for and what is it about?
(10)
"As our 'Preparation' for Parenting was written to prepare parents
for those first
5 months of their infants life, 'Preparation' for the Toddler Years, is written for parents whose little one is at least
5 months of age, following the same premise, 'preparing' you for the next step in your parenting journey.
It is written to prepare you for the toddler years, putting in place patterns of behavior during the 'pre-toddler' years.
The emphasis on continuing your biblical mindset and expanding the basic routine of Feed/Wake/Sleep as your little one
matures over the next 10 months. This series does not deal with all the behaviors that will emerge once your child becomes
a 'full-fledged' toddler, but will provide appropriate tools to handle the new situations coming your way. Once your child
reaches that 14 to 15 month age you will be ready for the next series, Along the Virtuous Way/Growing Kids God's Way."
What does Preparation
for the Toddler Years teach about moral and self-control
training? (27-28)
"The first step
toward moral comprehension is the development of healthy
learning patterns. When a child is at peace
with his basic environment, his learning potential increases
and learning disorders are minimized.
Timely gratification training leads to greater self-control
in children, which then leads to longer attention spans
and thus an advanced aptitude for academic and moral learning.
The operative word is self-control. Self-control is a foundational
virtue. That is, other virtues are dependent on it. Self-control
influences kindness, gentleness, proper speech, controlling
negative emotions, concentrating, focusing, sitting skills,
and many other behaviors. When you train your child to
a right moral response, you simultaneously train him in
self-control.
Moral education should not only be a priority of early
training, but is absolutely necessary for optimum intellectual
achievement. Why is that true? Because self-control is
not an academic discipline, it's a moral one. Sitting,
focusing, and concentrating are also moral disciplines
that the intellect uses as tools for academic advancement.
Waiting until
a child is five years old is much too late to start working
on the skills of sitting, focusing and
concentrating. These are moral development skills, not
stage-acquired activities. They are also skills that are
dependent on structure from the earliest days of life.
Even now during your baby's first year of life, you are
laying the foundations for future development."
What is the funnel
concept and how is it useful in parenting? (29, 30, 32)
"Picture a funnel with the narrow stem at the bottom and
the wide opening at the top. The long stem represents the
early stages of parenting, the wider represents growth,
maturity, and gradual freedoms. As the child grows up through
the stem, freedoms are earned to the extent that responsible
behavior is demonstrated. Many pretoddler parents allow
behaviors that are neither age-appropriate nor in harmony
with the child's moral and intellectual capabilities. Using
our funnel analogy this common mistake would be classified
as "parenting outside of the funnel". Freedoms given that
exceed the child's level of self-control lead to developmental
confusion and do not facilitate healthy learning patterns.
When freedoms are held back when self-control is evident
it leads to developmental frustration for the child, manifested
during the ages of 5-10.
To avoid reparenting,
which is usually less than satisfactory, you should continually
evaluate what you allow your child
to do given his age, understanding and abilities. Are you
giving him inappropriate freedoms? Parent the constant
factors and control the variables until the child has the
moral capacity to handle the freedom those variables bring.
Such parenting facilitates a situation where freedoms granted
are equal to a child's level of self-control, which results
in developmental harmony. The word harmony means putting
the parts into a pleasing and orderly whole. That is exactly
what parents should strive to do with their pretoddlers."
What are some age
appropriate suggestions for family meal times? (42, 43)
"For children
under six months: When possible, place your baby in his
infant seat near the dinner table. Sight and
family sounds are important to the establishment of early
family identity. There will be some occasions when mealtime
for the rest of the family will be playpen time for the
baby.
Six to twelve months (or until the child can feed himself):
At this age, your baby may actually eat his main meal before
the rest of the family sits down. Then, while the rest
of the family enjoys their meal together, the baby can
sit in his highchair with some finger foods. Now everyone
is participating, and Mom gets to enjoy her meal as well.
Twelve months
and older: Family mealtime should be characterized by
everyone eating together. To keep the evening meal pleasant,
put more concentrated effort into highchair problems at
breakfast and lunch. That does not mean you will not correct
during dinner, but the concentrated effort at the other
meals can speed up the process of dining harmony."
How should parents
view highchair behavior? (47-48)
"When you add them all up, your baby spends many hours
of the week in his or her highchair. Take advantage of
this time by making it an opportunity for learning. As
with many aspects of child development, there are both
constant and variable influences with which to contend.
Parents are the constant influence on moral training. Whether
at mealtime, playtime, or roomtime, parents should be reinforcing
and maintaining a consistent level of expectation regarding
their child's behavior. For example, the instructions "Do
not drop your food" and "Do not touch the stereo" differ
only in the nature of the activity, but they involve the
same level of parental expectation. The variable is the
place or item of offense, but the constant is the level
of expectation. The "no" of the highchair should be the
same "no" of the living room.
Parents of pretoddlers too often isolate individual acts
of behavior, rather than seeing their own need for consistency
as part of the same process. Although the settings and
activities vary, parents act as the constant influence
bringing to each situation the consistency necessary for
orderly development and growth.
When a problem
occurs at mealtime, consider what other conflicts are
present throughout the day. Are they related?
Is the behavior tied only to food or does he act out similarly
in other settings? For example, if he's having problems
keeping his hands where they belong while in the highchair,
is he also having struggles with touching off-limit items
in the living room? The root problem then, is a general
lack of self-control and not exclusively a mealtime weakness."
What are the benefits
of having toddlers begin to learn and use sign language
as a communication tool? (55-56)
Children between eight and twelve months of age are cognitively
able to communicate, but are not yet verbally capable of
doing so. Sign language can help to bridge this gap. Here
are four compelling reasons to teach your baby to sign:
1 You're teaching and reinforcing habits of self-control.
2 It eliminates wrong communicative methods.
3 Signing aids discretionary correction in the future. There will be times
when you cannot correct your child publicly or verbally. The silence of signing
and Mom's facial expression communicate the same intent as verbal correction.
4 You are actually teaching your child a second language during a time in his
life when he is most receptive to language formation.
What is the difference
between childishness and foolishness? (74)
"Proverbs 22:15a
states that 'foolishness is bound up in the heart of
a child.' There are some who desire to
substitute the word childishness in place of foolishness.
That is not possible. The original Hebrew language does
not support it.
There is a difference between foolishness and childishness.
Foolishness is a biblical anthropological description of
a child's heart. Childishness is not directly mentioned
in the Bible, but is a description deduced from common
study of childhood behavior. Childishness is associated
with innocent immaturity, the honest mistakes children
make. Parents, please understand that a child is not acting
childishly if he is disobedient?he is acting foolishly.
Foolishness
needs correction but parents should not correct all foolish
behavior the same way, or with the same consequence.
For your pretoddler, toddler, and young child: (1) the
commonness of the particular offense, (2) the context of
the moment, (3) the child's age, and (4) the general characterization
of his overall behavior are all factors to consider when
correcting a child."
What are some simple
discipline principles that I can use with my toddler?
(76-78)
"Biblical discipline
begins with parental instruction. When we consider the
role of instruction in a child's life,
there are a few facts and elementary principles that serve
as a guide to success for all of your parenting years.
Following these basic guidelines can prevent stress and
increase willful compliance; failure to comply can lead
to power struggles and continuous outright rebellion as
your child moves into toddlerhood.
Principle One
When you speak to your child in a way that requires an
answer or an action, you should expect an immediate and
complete response. Children will rise to the level of expectation
of their parents. Too many parents expect less and receive
exactly that. We find consistently that the requirement
of first-time obedience is far less of an adjustment for
children than it is for their parents.
Principle Two
Never give a command unless you intend for it to be obeyed.
Therefore, when giving instructions be sure to say exactly
what you mean and mean precisely what you say. This simple
principle is so commonly violated. There is no better way
to teach a child not to obey than to give him instructions
that you have no intention of enforcing. A child quickly
learns the habit of disregarding his parents' instruction
if there is no authority behind the instructions.
Principle Three
Biblical discipline is always consistent. The child who
is corrected consistently for failing to obey is better
adjusted than the child whose discipline is inconsistent
or incomplete. Consistency provides security and freedom.
The child knows what is expected and what is off-limits.
In contrast, inconsistency produces insecurity, and because
the boundaries are always in question, it stifles a child's
learning and his learning potential. Consistent discipline
helps the child to learn that there is a moral orderliness
in the world; certain behaviors will always be followed
by disappointing consequences or punishment and other behaviors
will be followed by praise and blessings.
Be consistent with your discipline! Consistency keeps
you at the right point at each stage of development. Inconsistency
creates too many variables for the child to handle forcing
you to do more parenting outside the funnel. Right learning
patterns are more quickly and firmly established when you
reduce or prevent non-age-appropriate variables from entering
your baby's day. Order facilitates healthy growth, not
excessive freedom, which leads to develop-mental confusion.
Encouraging and establishing right moral behavior in children
requires consistency and clarity of instruction. Wholesome
discipline is always consistent. Unless your instructions
are clear and consistent, your child is at a loss to know
what to do.
Principle Four
Require eye contact when giving face to face instruction.
Make it a standard practice to get your child to look you
in the eyes when you are speaking. Eye contact is a focusing
skill and helps any child process instructions. The child
that is allowed to look around rather than at Mom or Dad
as instructions are given, often struggles with compliance.
Principle Five
Understanding
context prevents first-time obedience from becoming legalistic.
Unless you give due consideration
to the context of the moment, you may judge your child's
right actions wrongly, and you may neglect wrong actions
entirely."
What are some tips
for moving from a crib to a bed? (93)
"Moving a child
from a crib to a bed takes place in the toddler phase
of development, not the pretoddler phase.
The crib-to-bed transition usually occurs between eighteen
and twenty-four months of age. A child who is trained to
first-time obedience greatly facilitates this transition.
It should be obvious that if parents do not require first-time
obedience during the day, then instructions to stay in
bed at night or during naps will have no power. Going from
a crib to a bed is freedom. What will keep him there? Only
your word. The goal is not to put your baby in a bed but
to have him stay there all night.
To help make
the transition smooth for you and exciting for your child,
include him when going out to purchase
his bed. Maybe he could help Dad set it up, or shop with
Mom to pick out his "big boy" sheets for his "big boy" bed.
Take advantage of the weekend to make the switch. Most
dads will be home Saturday morning to make a big deal out
of a child's first night in his own bed.
Initially, do
not give your child the freedom to get out of bed without
your permission. After his naps or in the
morning, have him call out to you before getting out of
bed. Teach him a common phrase such as "Up please" or "May
I get up please?" Letting him have verbal access to you
is usually enough to keep him in bed . . .
Finally, when
making the transition, buy or build a side rail. Children
move during their sleep much more than adults.
Side rails are as much for the parents' peace of mind as
for the child's safety."
How can I help
my pretoddler and toddler develop language skills? (101-102)
Here are five ideas to help you help your children develop
language skills:
l. It is not
necessary to use "baby talk." It is very
tempting to reduce what you are saying to what you think
the baby understands, such as "Ryan, no touch, that bad." Children
are wonderful decoders. If you say, "Ryan, don't touch
that, it's bad," he will (even at the young age of six
months) understand the tone of voice, the facial expression,
and any gestures you might use. By twelve to fourteen months,
he'll understand enough of the words and intonations to
figure out exactly what you are telling him. Children are
wonderful imitators too. Why not give them a chance to
learn the correct sentence structure?
2. Talk about anything and everything! This gives your
child a chance to pair words with concepts. Even though
he will not understand all the words at first, what a great
exposure to the world you are giving him. When you go to
the grocery store, talk about what you are getting, where
you are going next, things you see in the aisles. A pretoddler
certainly doesn't understand everything, but you are laying
a broad foundation for the future.
3. Read, read, read! Reading books to your child is a
wonderful way to expose him to words and concepts. (We
recommend Jim Trelease's Read-Aloud Handbook, Penguin Books:
N.Y., N.Y.).
4. Once your
child starts speaking, expand on what he says. For example,
you are giving your son a bath, and
he says, "Boat down." You could respond by saying, "Yes,
the boat went down." This not only recognizes what your
child has said, but also gives him the correct form of
a full sentence. Cute though it is, you really do not want
your child to start kindergarten using baby sentences!
5. Above all,
relax! With few exceptions, children learn language in
spite of anything parents do or think they
have done to inhibit it!"
Thanks
for visiting our Preparation for the Toddler Years questions page.
Whether you are brand new to GFI or looking for information
on a particular
topic, we trust our answers will be helpful to you. If you would like
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